Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Oh Gross!

The FS Blog Round Up is back and will henceforth be referred to as the FS BRU. The BRU isn't gross, it's fabulous! This weeks topic is gross though. Vomit. Yuck.

Jill from The Perlman Update is hosting, be sure to check in with her blog on Fridays to read the BRU. If you are familiar with her family you know that she has the WORST luck when traveling. All of her kids are prone to motion sickness. It's not a question of IF someone will get sick. It's more a question of which kid will hurl first. She is a strong woman. Freaky frightening animals I can handle. Barf not so much. I still have nightmares about the tire swing at the camp where I was a counselor. The kids would take turns on it turning and spinning until the inevitable happened. We called that thing the Vomit Comet.

I am assuming Jill is asking for vomit stories just so she knows others feel her pain. Sadly even though my kids are pretty good travelers and don't seem to suffer from motion sickness, we have had our fair share of barfy experiences. There are a few rather horrible experiences that stand out in my memories. Experiences so nasty that time hasn't dimmed the impact of the event.

Lists aren't my usual thing, I'm not that organized, but for post this I think I will borrow the idea of the list as a blog post from my BFF Monica. She will probably remember a few of these.

1. Projectile Vomit at 75 mph. Back before we packed up to wander the world, back when my kids were toddlers, I was one of those moms who ran to the doctor every time the kids looked a little off. Then 3 year old Alonzo was running a fever and wasn't keeping anything down. I packed up the kids, strapped everyone into their carseats and headed out. About half way to the doctors, while doing 75 mh down I10, I heard what has to be one of the worst sounds you can hear. The sound of a small child gagging behind you. About a second later a flood of vomit hit me square in the back of my head. I managed not to wreck the car but I have no idea how. I also managed not to barf myself, I think because I was afraid I would kill us all if I did. The up side is if you arrive at the doctors office dipping vomit you would be amazed at how fast they can get you in and out.

2. Barf + bunk beds = nothing good. When Navy boy Dakota was in junior high he woke up in the middle of the night overcome by nausea. He tried hard to get out of his bunk bed but just as he stepped onto ladder he lost the fight. The spray pattern from that height is impressive. I don't think he missed a square foot of carpeting. Carpet should NEVER be used in kid's bedrooms.

3. Bunks beds take two. Colin and Alonzo had low loft bunk beds meaning Colin's mattress sat in a frame on the floor and Alonzo's bed was about chest height. Colin went first in this instance. Just as I finished up changing the sheets and wiping the vomit off the floor and bed frame I heard Alonzo's tiny voice above me "My tummy hurts." Before I could scramble up off the floor I was hit with a shower of vomit. Drenched from head to toe in barf, and the bed I just finished cleaning up? Covered in splatter. Bunk beds are evil.

4. Blueberry Pie + stomach virus = new carpets. Purple vomit all over the carpet. Did you know blueberries stain, even when partially digested? Did you know that Colin had seconds? That was a whole lot of purple. I may never eat blueberry pie again. Enough said.

5. Mosquito nets + stomach virus = disaster. You know how mosquito nets look all romantic in the home design magazine? Yeah, not so much in real life. Grayson woke up in the middle of the night with stomach cramps. As he started to gag he tried, he really tried to get out from under that mosquito net and to the bathroom. I know he tried because he pulled the net mount right out of the ceiling. I woke to a loud thunk as the frame hit his bed and the sound of someone hurling. We found poor Gray sitting in pile of vomit completely tangled on his mosquito net. Thankfully the wooden frame that holds up the net managed to miss him.

I think that is enough barf for one day. Hope I didn't gross you too badly.


Nomads By Nature said...

Giggling about the first one on your list --- great VIP pass strategy for by-passing the epic waiting room catchall. And your last on the list, I would have to agree about a bug net's ability to make vomit clean up even more complicated and nasty. Thanks for bringing back the memory of embedded chunks -- ours were bright red due to juice. I had almost put that fun behind me....will be happy to be in a net free environment soon.

Connie said...

I've been hit from the backseat too. Thankfully we were parked, but Honor wasn't feeling well. I'd told her to roll down the window, just in case, but I wasn't too worried about it as I can count on one hand the times she's been puking ill in her life. I should have been more concerned though, because apparently puking out the window was too embarrassing, while puking on mom was ok. When she told me she didn't open the window because of being embarrassed, I got the giggles... bad mom. She needed comforting, but I couldn't stop laughing. She eventually forgave me.

Heather Dray said...

I'm sorry to say it, but your head is like some sort of magnet for puke. And the bunk beds? A disaster in waiting! Thanks for the tips - my kids will never share bunk beds again! ;-)